And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know her cup size but not her name....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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