You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
