I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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