it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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