dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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