I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
