Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".