I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.