weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...