I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
