The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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