i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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