I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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