try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
even my farts smell like vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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