Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please, let me fuck your mom
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
