Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize