what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
