I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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