dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize