Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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