I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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