when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
