i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this will be a night to untag.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
