I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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