Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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