Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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