...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
