I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
