Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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