i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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