We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
