conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
