I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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