So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
