Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
