Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
