you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
