Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
