She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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