am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
