i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
