Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
