Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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