Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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