Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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