I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
