bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
