She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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