My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
