Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
