she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
