I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
