Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
