we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
