he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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