Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
