Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
