You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
