Ambien. No doubt about it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
