I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
