How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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