I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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