Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
