What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
