He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
