Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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