She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize