On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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