mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hippo gnu deer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
