i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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