Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I skipped work to stalk him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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