No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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