What did we do last night that was yellow?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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