It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's shark week go big or go home
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize