Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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