hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
