I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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