Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
