His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
