I just cut my nipple shaving
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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