I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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