He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
