if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
