Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
