so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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